I love my job, I really do. But it can get tough. I know… it doesn’t sound that hard, I sit in a studio playing music, doing interviews, reading poetry and producing short journalism pieces. I don’t mean tough as in "its hard and stressful". I mean tough as in "this is the 5th or 6th prep period that I’ve cried".

A father dropped off some information today, and a couple CDs with a short note.

Andrea was 16 when she left home - she was looking for something and had dreams of marriage and a family with a man she had met through a friend. Andrea’s dreams did not come true, she ended up hooked on drugs and was forced into selling her body on the streets of East Vancouver. Andrea went missing in June 2002 - she was just 21 years old.

She was one of Pickton’s victims.

The music that he left… I can’t even begin to describe it. Here are the lyrics:

Missing’s a word that can’t begin to describe
The way I miss you more each day
You left to chase the wind on high
and the rain rained down to stay

Will they remember me when I’m gone
you said, what I’ve kissed goodbye to pain
or will their lives just carry on
in the small hours of the rain

You may be lost in the eye of the world
but how can I set you free
when there’s a whole empty world in my aching heart
You’re the missing part of me

How far from home is "missing"?
In our prayers you’re close beside us every day
When you left to chase the wind so high
the rain moved in to stay

You may be an orphan in the eyes of the world
can we ever love anyone enough?
You’ll always have a home in our loving hearts;
You’re the missing part of us

Other can say you are missing
But we find you in each moment of the day
You left to chase the wind up high
and the rain never went away

How can we believe in a merciful world
that could never believe in you enough?
Take what strength you need from our fearless hearts;
You’re the missing part of us

Missing means you’re gone, I can’t find you
My dear one, I’ll never hold you again.
You left to chase the wind too high
and the rain can’t wash my tears away

You may have disappeared in the eyes of the world
but when I close my eyes I’ll always see
Your name, the way you smile, inside my wishful heart,
The missing part of me

He then left me with pages upon pages of information about sexual exploitation. A list of women that have fallen victim in Canada. … And a newsletter about Haven House… a program in BC to help people who have fallen victim to poverty, violence, addictions and/or sexual exploitation… saying that the program has run out of funding and will be shut down.

For the next week on my show… I have to put together interviews with not only the people who have to shut down this place of refuge, but also with the family who lost their daughter first to sexual exploitation and then again at the hands of a man who thinks women are no better than pigs.

Some people around the office say that I’ve let my emotions run to heavily into my pieces, such as the show I did for the Montreal Massacre. But really… how can we not get attached? Effected? Emotional? With things that are so horribly unbelievable that they almost sound fictional.

…sigh… it’ll be a tough show.

Buble isn’t going despite his nomination - because he’s all like "im a jerk and besides, the nucks play that night".

I’d pick hockey over an awards night too Michael.

But in even funnier news Michael Keren says that all us bloggers… are really just lonely loser.

Many bloggers, Keren says, are isolated, lonely and withdrawn, choosing to form virtual relationships instead of the real thing.

"Bloggers
think of themselves as rebels against mainstream society, but that
rebellion is mostly confined to cyberspace, which makes blogging as
melancholic and illusionary as Don Quixote tilting at windmills," Keren
says in a statement.

In Blogosphere: The New Political Arena, he
asks whether the blogosphere is a new political arena or simply a
gathering place for powerless citizens.

Yeah… Michelle Malkins replied with the very intelligent reply "Pshaw!" Way to go Malkins, way to go - but wait… why is she speaking for all bloggers? No one WANTS to talk to her. But really… There are a few things that bother me about that. I use blogging as a way to stay in contact with a lot of people… The only way my family ever knows what I’m doing is because of updates on my blog.

We may be writing blogs that only 20 people read, or 300, or 3000… but the point is - people are reading them. By posting, linking, and reading other people’s blog we’re expanding our minds and our social circle. Keren should come to Yearly Kos and then try and tell us that bloggers have absolutely no power.

Southern Ontario (home sweet home!) experienced a power blip recently.

It initially knocked out almost all of Toronto’s traffic lights as
morning rush hour got under way. After the blip, the city’s monitoring
system showed that 95 per cent of the more than 2,000 traffic signals
had switched to "flash" mode, blinking red in all directions to alert
drivers to treat the intersections like a four-way stop, said Bruce
Zvaniga, Toronto’s director of urban traffic control.

Within 45 minutes, most of the city’s newer traffic lights had reset
themselves. However, problems remained at about 160 intersections with
older traffic signals that required electricians to investigate and
reset them manually. "I would expect it caused a lot of drivers some
frustration," Mr. Zvaniga said.

Now… I wonder if this has anything at all to do with the amount of energy that was being used at the time. … and not just a raccoon. You’d think that after the power outage of 2003 Ontario would have gotten a clue that they consume energy like a kid consumes ice cream on a hot day.
… Seriously though, one day… Southern Ontario is just going to shut down and not start back up…and I’ll be sitting over here in nice little Victoria laughing. (Until the sea levels start to rising, then I’ll be laughing underwater as my little island drowns.)

I just got really tired all of the sudden so here we go quick time:

Quebecers are being assholes. Here are their town rules for income immigrants:

- It is forbidden to stone women, burn them alive, throw acid on them or circumcise girls.

-
Consumption of alcohol is common in Herouxville, as is dancing. "At the
end of every year, we decorate a tree with balls and tinsel and some
lights. This is normally called ‘Christmas decorations’ or also
‘Christmas tree.’ "

- Boys and girls swim together in public pools.

- Veils are not welcome. "The only time you may mask or cover your face is during Halloween."

My favorite passtime is throwing acid on girls aged 3 - 7… the shriek they let out is amazing! …And about this face covering thing - what if you want to pretend to be a ninja on pirate day just to piss off the people who think pirates are better than ninjas?… Seriously, that needs to be considered too.

The tories are getting neeervous, and we’ll be seeing some aaattack ads during the super bowl - but the funniest thing about that article is when The Bears are called "da bears" …Is that a common thing? to actually call them "da bears" in actual articles? …Or is that just hilarious tidbit that slipped on that article? Because really I know nothing about football, but I know "da bears" skit … and that made me laugh.

Aaand finally and interesting Pickton update.

I made allen a blog today. I really hope he starts posting and doesn’t stop - when he writes it’s really good. I made his banner pretty quickly, so that’s why its not top quality… and "abousian" is my term… about… and asian… cleeever. He changed the picture I had of him though, which pissed me off!

That is what his abousian picture should be.

Anyway - good luck on the new blog allen!! I’m excited.

My tits looked hot that night - Allen and Kate kept grabbing them in front of my brother. Awkward. And see that labret ring on my face? Ya… I definitely just swallowed it - I’m not even kidding. I swallowed it. It’s in my belly. I considered throwing up… but decided against it. So now I have to go buy another one and hope it doesn’t grow over in about 48 hours.

ps - im adding him to my blog roll

(Eventually people are going to realize I rarely do work when I’m at work and instead sit around reading blogs… I do listen to music - which I guess is part of my job… I listen to new CDs and tell people if they suck or not… So I suppose that’s working.)

I’ve always wondered why really happy people or people who want me to like them have annoyed me so much. Via T I’ve finally figured it out.

1. Seek contact. You may feel like avoiding that person,
but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the “mere exposure
effect,” we tend to like people better the more we see them.

Alright, generally speaking people that don’t like me, I don’t like them either. I make it pretty clear with people if I like them or not and I welcome the same openness towards me as well. A girl that I lived with in residence who I really really didn’t like, and who really really didn’t like me tried to play this "seek contact" game with me - and honestly, it just made me dislike them more. I’ve tried this "seek contact" game… "Oh, maybe if I get to know them more I’ll actually end up liking them more." No. If you don’t like someone, and if you don’t get along with someone there is probably a good reason for that - I’m not sure why seeing them more will make their personality change.

And personally, when it comes to people I … only sort of like, or who I really really like not contacting them for a while, and then talking to them is the best feeling in the world. …Like my friend Andrea from camp, we hadn’t talked for about 8 months, so that made the phone conversation fantastic - but if we did it every week it wouldn’t bee 1/32 as good.

2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those who do good to us.”  La Rochefoucauld.

Other wise known as "sucking up". You know why that will make you feel closer to the person? Because your nose will be up their ass. I think a much better approach is "only do what you have to"… For example, I really really didn’t like 3 of my supervisors at Food Basics (*shudder*) … so did I do nice things for them? No. I only did what I had to do so that I wouldn’t have to work with them more, or talk to them more often.
 

3. Give that person a brief touch. “Subliminal touching,”
i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed,
increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.

This is a really bad idea… At least for me. When a person touches me for no reason its a direct infiltration of the personal bubble - and the personal bubble is NOT to be popped - so why should we go around popping everyone else’s bubble? This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life, seriously. "Hey! My boss is a real jerk, so I’ll slightly touch his arm to make a positive connection with him." … "subliminal touching" really sounds to me like a sexual assault case waiting to happen.

4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh. This can be tough, however.

Repress! People who don’t get angry and don’t let it all out are the same ones that go home and end up kicking their dog. (AHhaha.) When the person comes and pops your personal bubble just laugh with them about how incredibly uncomfortable it made you. What really annoys me is when people chew, laughing about it doesn’t help. There are people who I can’t be in the same room with when they eat… laughing or not - in fact, laughing makes it worse because then their mouths are even further open so I have to hear AND see the food. Gross.

5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective—just try it.

Be fake! …Okay, I will go and try out this theory right now. I am in a craptacular mood, I’m pmsing, I have cramps, there are 3 people in the volunteer office that I can’t stand, but I will go - right now - and act friendly… here goes…

***

I’m in an even worse mood now. I acted friendly, and then I had to sit there and listen to stories about their weekends, sex life, boyfriends and school. Worst. Idea. Ever.

6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your
complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that’s hard to
eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be
changed.

Lie! If you don’t criticize how will people know if they’re doing a good job at things or not? My job is to tell all of my volunteers if they’re good enough to be on radio or not - and some people I have to tell them flat out "your voice is way too high pitched - aka annoying" "You have really bad taste in music." "Your too boring." I find complaining about people to other people makes me feel a lot better about the person I had to complain about - because then I’ve vented it all out so when I see them I can just take a big breath and act reasonable towards them because I know later on I can just let it all out again.

7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.

Okay. That’s fair enough. Thinking about zeddy makes me happy. …I know I sometimes come off as a 12 year old - but I really just love my teddy bear. (I was just talking to one of my bosses and I said something about being a teenager and she said "Katie you’re not a teenager when you’re 26" …and I was like "uuuh, I’m 19…" she didn’t believe me to the point where we had to pull up my file just to prove it to her.)

8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.

Lie to yourself! I try to do this sometimes… Like sure everyone I work with is a nit, but I really really love being on air. Ooor, yeah my profs are horribly annoying, my classes are shitty and have the same material as a grade 10 class and I’m paying $500 for each of them - but… it’s an education that will help me in the long run.  But it really depends on how much you value the negative over the positive or vice versa.
Anyway - I’m probably coming off as really bitter, and I understand the point of the exercise is to attempt at being happier and having a more positive outlook on life - but some people just don’t have this personality. I’m pretty sure I have a fairly pessimistic view on life - I tried the whole optimism thing a few times, but it just feels like I’m lying to myself and blinding myself to the horrible truths and facts about the world and about people.