I had pretty mixed feelings when the OUT campaign started. Now I find myself trying to get the big scarlet A posted onto my blog - for some reason it appears for a second, and then disappears… even if I host it on my own server. I don’t get it… but I’ll figure it out eventually - I’m sure.
Anyway - for some reason the past 2 or 3 years I’ve spent my time being … a half assed atheist of sorts. I’ve been involved with clubs on campus and CFI, gone to conferences and written up articles for various newspapers and magazines… but when it came down to it - I was always wishy washy. I often took the religious status of “Atheist” off of my facebook.
I think I finally decided it was because of some sort of inside guilt. I was worried about bugging my friends from back in the day who are very much christian. I was worried about secluding myself from so many people. It was almost like when you hear a racist joke, and you want to laugh - but you don’t want to be the first to laugh because… there are so many people around you that it could possibly offend… but if it’s funny - just laugh. That’s why it’s a joke, right?
Maybe that was a bad analogy - but that’s how it was feeling. I was afraid to laugh. There have been times in my life when people have asked me “well, what do you believe” and I have replied with “I don’t know” or “I’m still deciding” or “I used to be Christian” … I don’t like this.
Thus - from this day forward I am nothing less than an atheist. And I’m pretty proud of it. I don’t plan on having anymore wishy washy responses, or being careful of stepping on the toes of my religious friends - I love them, but if they can tell me they are christian, then I can damn well tell them that I’m an atheist. No more internalized guilt.
I think a lot of the problem has stemmed from losing friends to my lack of faith, and losing jobs to my lack of faith. So I started to get particular with who I chose to tell, and how abrasive I was when I told them. But you know what, if people don’t want to talk to me - that is their own narrow path that they have chosen. If a job doesn’t want me, then I don’t want to work for them.
A lot of you will probably say “…you’ve always been an atheist” … It’s a lot easier to be an atheist online in the privacy of my own blog than it is to be an atheist out there in the world. I get backed into corners, I get questioned and I get stared at. Such is life.
So, here is my A, and when I can make it work - I will sport it proudly on this blog.
