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By Katie Kish, November 8, 2011 6:57 pm

Best episode of Wife Swap ever

Someone on my FB linked to this article called Why Women Aren’t Crazy. Basically, the article says that people who tell women they are just “being over sensitive” or “can’t take a joke” or “overreacting” are being “gaslighted” by the person saying it – which is essentially emotional abuse. The term, the author explains comes from this:

The term comes from the 1944 MGM film, Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. Bergman’s husband in the film, played by Charles Boyer, wants to get his hands on her jewelry. He realizes he can accomplish this by having her certified as insane and hauled off to a mental institution. To pull of this task, he intentionally sets the gaslights in their home to flicker off and on, and every time Bergman’s character reacts to it, he tells her she’s just seeing things. In this setting, a gaslighter is someone who presents false information to alter the victim’s perception of him or herself.

Here’s what I’m thinking… I totally agree with the author and think I’ve fallen victim to this recently (and many times in my past) but on the other hand, the term can be abused very quickly. Examples of both:

Supportive: Recently a friend of mine who I briefly dated a while back made 2 or 3 remarks that I took as him hitting on me (which he does frequently). Usually I just tell him to not be inappropriate and we just move on. This time, however, I complained about it to my fiance because I am starting to get a bit sick of the passes. Uncharacteristically…my fiance messaged the friend telling him to step off. This opened up a bit argument between the friend and I where to told me I was just “overreacting” and obviously didn’t “get the joke”. Instead of saying to him “No! You’re just saying that because you don’t want to seem like the bad guy!!” I said “I guess…” and went back to reread the conversation 30 – 50 times to see if I could pick up on the joke while being aware that there was supposed to be one (I couldn’t). So… he got away with it. This is a case of gaslighting.

Unsupportive: Last week my fiance and I were talking about something, and he said something that normally I would have just laughed at. This time, however, I broke out into tears and told him he was a horrible person. He said “are you getting your period?” which threw me into a fit of rage screaming “DON’T DISMISS MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I GET MY PERIOD!!!!!!!!”……… he said “okay! okay! sorry!” and apologized about a million times. I basically told him he was gaslighting me when I was out of line. This was DEFINITELY a case of overreacting and being too sensitive to an issue. I can’t speak for all women but I do tend to be irrational and overemotional sometimes… sometimes, I am indeed crazy.

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By Katie Kish, March 29, 2009 1:57 am

This is the most disgusting thing I’ve come across in a long time….

A game, where you’re a woman…and you have to avoid the drunk assholes….if you don’t, you get dry humped and lose a life.

!!! That is sexist on so many levels.

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By Katie Kish, March 5, 2009 11:41 am

And by sometimes, I mean quite often.

A 9 year old girl had to have an abortion because she was raped by her stepfather. You think this would be an open and shut case. She’s 9. She was raped. She’s too tiny to carry a fetus. (actually 2, as she had twins). But nooo.

But Marcio Miranda, a lawyer for the Archdiocese of Olinda and Recife in north-eastern Brazil, said the girl should have carried the twins to term and had a caesarean section.

“It’s the law of God: do not kill. We consider this murder,” Ms Miranda said in comments reported by O Globo.

Yet another reason I’m against religion. And why I’m pro-empowerment for women so they can take back control over their own bodies.

Oh wait, I have another one. An ad that promotes whitening skin with a sexist twist.

We can never be happy with what we have. Too fat, not white enough, too skinny, too white, hair is too curly, too straight, big hips, small boobs……women want to be white (apparently) – but if you have pale legs you don’t want to be seen at the swimming pool. Not to mention that “I swallow” line is just horribly inappropriate and gross. After she’s done swallowing she should probably go get Asian Blepharoplasty and blue contacts… and color her hair to be blonde. Then she’ll be perfect.

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By Katie Kish, February 20, 2009 8:50 pm

...thats not funny either...

This study is the least awesome study I’ve ever read. I’ve shouted and complained before about men objectifying women’s bodies. Just the other day I was walking from getting lunch to go back to work and say a man, literally lean 1/2 body out his car and yell at a woman crossing the street “Hey baby! That ass would look so good with me in it.” and today just outside of Starbucks there were 4 guys commenting on every single girls body as they walked in to get their coffee.

Maybe I’m just not watching for it, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a women lean outside of her window to catcall at a woman crossing the street. Nor have I seen a group of girls standing outside of a store purposely watching men walk into it and commenting on their “fine asses” or “beautiful men titties”. Men objectify women.

And now, we can prove it scientifically. When a man is show a picture of a women who is less than dressed the region of their brain that is associated with tool use….lights up. They literally associate that woman’s body with the same purpose as a hammer or a drill. (hardy har) …And they would use the same words to describe using the woman…like pushing, grasping and handling.

But wait! That’s not even my favorite part…

And in a “shocking” finding, Fiske noted, some of the men studied showed no activity in the part of the brain that usually responds when a person ponders another’s intentions.

This means that these men see women “as sexually inviting, but they are not thinking about their minds,” Fiske said. “The lack of activation in this social cognition area is really odd, because it hardly ever happens.”

What?! Wait! Waaait! aaaaand:

And the men who scored higher as “hostile sexists”—those who view women as controlling and invaders of male space—didn’t show brain activity that indicates they saw the women in bikinis as humans with thoughts and intentions.

Scientists have seen this absence of activation only once before, in a study where people were shown off-putting photographs of homeless people and drug addicts.

…Those men associated women on the same level as homeless people and drug addicts. How charming. Now of course one of the first questions that comes to my mind after being grossed out is “well, what about women?” and …”well, is it the society? or is it evolutionary?”

In regards to the women, if they were shown men in sexualized outfits (or lack there of) they probably won’t have the same reation, only because women are turned on and look for mates who have power and wealth. So, if the men were run with affluent symbols attached to them, that could result in similar studies, perhaps.

But Fiske doesn’t think such an experiment would work the same way, because women usually react to men they desire by “interpreting their minds, thinking about what they’re interested in, and then trying to please them,” she said.

So are these traits simply evolutionary? And if they are – should they be allowed? I really don’t think its healthy for a man to see a woman’s body, disassociated it as a person and reassociate it as a tool… and then to top it all off they completely disregard what the woman is interested in or would agree to doing. …scary hairy, IMO.

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By Katie Kish, December 29, 2008 3:29 pm

Justin and I have started a blog…I haven’t really written anything for it. Mostly because I’m at a loss for what to write. Is gender even an issue that I’m willing to go up against? Is it an issue that even is worthy of our time? How clear cut is everything?

Feminism has a long and drawn out history. Feminist scholars divide the movement into three distinct “waves” of thought and action. The first and second waves, the ones we really needed, are associated with women’s suffrage and women’s liberation in the way of legal and social equality. Third wave is a supposed reaction to the failures of second wave feminism which began in the 1990′s. So…The Margret Sanger’s, Susan B Anthony’s and E C Stanton’s of the first wave got women the vote in the early 1900′s. Bettry Friedan got women to think outside of the kitchen, and made it alright for us to do so. And third wave feminism gave us all a headache. And now we’re left with a mix of faux-third wave feminists who argue over which feminism is better and some post-feminists who appreciate everything that’s be done…but would like people to move on now.

Its hard to do a quick description of an over all “man’s movement”. There is the father’s right movement and the overall examination of masculinities – but no real concrete movement such as feminism.

So what’s left? Women seem to more terrified to walk through dark allies. While boys have a higher chance of being abused as children. Both genders have unreal stereotypes to attempt to live up to as the media tells us all what the ideal look and personality of all of us should be.

The size of media men keep getting bigger and bigger. Batman as Adam West wasn’t nearly as defined and gigantic and seductive as when Batman was George Clooney or Val Kilmer. As time progresses the guns get bigger too. Humphrey Bogart’s gun was simply an accessory to the man where as Rambo and the Terminator are men as an accessory to the guns and muscles.

Then you get suburban middle class white kids who need immediate respect, and this is show via the media to be violence easily brought on by a gun. This is a horribly narrow and destructive up bringing. The American high school shootings that we’ve seen throughout the past few years have been played out by the kids who couldn’t fit into this “tough” role. Pearly Mississippi, Red Lake Minnesota, Springfield Oregon, Columbine, The Trench Coat Mafia… all these words/places connect to school shootings that were carried out by “loners” or boys who just couldn’t fit in and be the tough, big or cool guy. These killers attempted social integration and failed. The next easiest way to gain respect and to adjust their social standing from being the wuss, pussy, loser or freak was to become the master of violence and the killer for the toughest guy in the world can become scared at gun point. They weren’t big strong and muscular, but guns had that ability and they got that grotesque respect.

Father’s have issues when it comes to divorce, there is often sexism in the court room. Women still can’t enter into a man’s world, such as a factory, retain their femininity and still get respect – she has to put on the bitch face. Men hit women, a lot. And women hit men quite a bit too. Men are shipped off to war and women are raped much more frequently.

There has been a very strong need for feminism in the past. And now – I’d say that the need for feminism is deteriorating. Is life equal yet? Absolutely not, but it probably never will be. The posts that Justin has written here have really focused on men as a victim. Men as needing the next feminist movement. At this point in the history of human beings focusing on one sex is no longer acceptable, it’s as sexist as it gets. Cherry picking statistics and attempting to make men look severely victimized in a society where they have been on top (and really…still are on top) for centuries is simply ludicrous.

Gender equality isn’t perfect yet, and it likely never will be. The fact that we’re already 2 separate groups, with a very small percentage of the population blurring the line between being a man and a woman, makes it impossible for there to be true social equality. As long as the media is perpetuating stereotypes and making money off of doing so – it will continue. There is a divide between men and women, and there always will be. Some things women will be better at, and other things men will be.

There are differances that we have to live with. …There are differences that we dont have to live with. …I dont know.