So there it is. I got it done. I’m a little worried that it’s surfacing - but… I might just be paranoid. I’m not entirely sure yet. I’ll have a better idea tomorrow morning. Apparently surfacing happens within the first week. Night one seemed to go over okay - so we’ll see how it looks after night two. Getting it done didn’t really hurt that much - but now it fucking kills. Especially is someone hits it or touches it. And I clean it ALL the time. I’m so anal about it…. but I guess that’s actually good.

Birthday wise it was a decent birthday. I had a fantastic time in Toronto on Friday with Kate. We went out for dinner and to the sex toy store and then met up with all my Toronto lovelies who are amazing to no end. There was lots of interesting discussions around around the table that night… and tears. Literally… it was tragic (it wasn’t me crying…).

Saturday, also good. I went to a counter protest for people who want to stop bill c-51. I can’t seem to find websites online that support the bill… I think I might need to make one… That was a lot of fun because everyone there hated us. So I got a lot of people telling me that I was going to die because I use medications that aren’t herbal and that I’m supporting dictatorships. Pretty hilarious.

Surprisingly the least fun was had in Guelph. I went out with my ladies from work and other work people… I just have a different personality and sense of humor than everyone I work with. I love them all, they’re all great and fun and really nice people - but that doesn’t necessarily mean we get along or have meaningful conversations. I did see a TON of people I haven’t seen in a long time just milling about the bar… so it was good to be entertained by them for a while.

Anyway, it was a good birthday. I will be working on a post about bill c51 and why I support it.

Also - why don’t my sciencey friends like my hippy friends? They just don’t go well together….

My grandma’s memorial was on Saturday, it was in a church - because that’s where she wanted it. It was the first time I had been in a church in a long while. My brother and I kept shooting one another glances when we’d have to pray or something.

It was really hard to respect my grandmother’s wishes without exploding about sitting inside of an almost cultish setting ["now lets drink the kool-aid" my brother said to me at one point].  My step-dad spoke at one point and it was quite nice because he talked a lot about personal experience type stuff. But later on the minister of the church that we were at started to speak.

It was so horrible. I wish I had a copy of what he said.It’s not a good start to something whe you begin a new thought at a funeral with the words “I don’t want to be disrespectful…but…” … and then go on about “yeah, she’s dead, but the church will be okay!” Please, that’s totally not what I wanted to hear at my grandma’s funeral.

It was shitty to be so disconnected from what was going on. The only times when I actually felt like I could relate to what was going on was when my little cousin did a little talk, and when my step dad was telling stories about how we all viewed her. “special k”

Going into church again definitely gave me a huge reminder about why I walked out of the church life. People kept saying to me “She’s in a better place now”… my brother and I had to grind our teeth a little because as far as we’re concerned when you’re dead, you’re dead. The off switch has been flicked. But you can’t be that rude and abrupt with people who have just lost someone so dear to them. I feel so bad when I say to my mom “you didn’t just talk to dad, because dad is dead”. She believes that he’s really communicating with her. I will admit that I did know my grandma died before my mom even told me. I said to a girl beside me “I’m pretty sure my grandma just died” and literally 10 minutes later my mom called to let me know that it had happened. Granted I knew she was sick, but I had just finished a 10 hour shift and hadn’t been updated on her status in a while. …Just a tid bit.

I don’t know how to tell people what I believe when they’re in such a …sad state. Because the biggest way they’re coping is by thinking that she’s in a “better” place. I did buck up enough to say “no, i actually didn’t think it was a nice service” when people asked me if I had enjoyed it as much as they did. Because I really didn’t think it was a nice service. My brother and I promised that who ever dies first - the other will take care of their funeral arrangements, and then leave a note before we die that we want the other’s to be handled in exactly the same way.

Then, to top it all off, we paid the minister $150. SHITTY.

Soooo, things that have made me sad in the past few days:

Marcus Ranum said: (Saturday 07 June, 2008 (edit))

I don’t think anyone is necessarily calling theists ’stupid’.

I am. They are.

Next?

jerk.

worg said: (Saturday 07 June, 2008 (edit))

If you’re tolerant of religion you’re fucking dumb.

sigh.

Standing at my grandma’s grave letting the wind dry my tears so I looked strong.

Not being able to enjoy my grandma’s memorial because the religion kept annoying me.

Seriously though - the comments that I’ve gotten in the past few days have been too much for me to handle. I usually soak all this shit right up and fight right back, just as hard. But I’m pretty sure this is the first time commenters have made me cry! Ah hahaha. Fuck. I think it’s just the emotions of this week.

How do you manage to get through a religious funeral? What sort of respectful response is there to “she’s in a better place”?

First of all - lets not forget - I’m an atheist.

1. Lectures - secularist groups (at least here in Canada) have three kinds of events. FSM Dinners, movies nights and lectures. I used to love the lectures. I would be super excited for them, and would attend every single one, even if it meant dropping money on the bus for Toronto. But now I’ve been involved with the groups for a few years and it’s all starting to get a little redundant. Especially the ones that are like “SCIENCE RULES! SUCK IT RELIGION”… they’re getting a little tiring. I think part of that is because I’m not as militant in my atheism as I used to be. (My thoughts are still the same, but not my actions. I’ve exacerbated [edit: thats the wrong word I wanted - I’ve tired out my energy toward many things and am focusing on more central ones.) The couple of lectures that I’ve seen where people break out of that comfort zone of atheists (think Wodek and Kauffman) the crowd goes wild, and not in a good way. “People” get rude and abrupt and angry because the lecturers aren’t feeling sorry for atheists and talking about how awesome science is.*

Dare I say - it’s like church - when a minister comes in with new ideas, the congregation goes ape shit because they’re so stuck in their ways.

2. Conferences - There are always SO MANY. …Why does this annoy me? Because I can’t go to all of them and not enough of them are near Toronto. The student leadership conference will be tres beans. But I wish I could go to TAM, SSA’s conference, all the Skepchick shit that goes on, the NYC conference last year… etc. However - at all of these conferences… lectures. See #1.

3. Dawkins - I think I’ve made it pretty clear in the past that I don’t like Dawkins. I really don’t want Dawkins, Harris and Hitchens to be the voice of my atheism. Because it’s not the voice of many people’s atheism, and it gives people a dangerous path to follow in their atheism. It makes them intolerant, gives them a reason not even try to understand and makes it impossible to have conversations with them. It’s like a hardcore theist - their theism leads them to dangerous places (mentally and physically), their beliefs give them reason to not listen to anyone else and they’re almost always impossible to talk to. The person I want to speak for my atheism is willing to listen, understands if you choose to be religious (and respects that) and attempts to have conversations (where they’re not shoving things down the other person’s throat).

4. Level of Seriousness - Almost all of the atheists I know really need to have a bit more fun. Fo’ realz guyz. Sometimes I see myself slipping into this, and then crack a joke to make everything all better again.

5. Intelligence - Yes, we knoooow you’re a scientist. We knooooow you’ve read a million books and written 4. We knoooooow that you know Richard Dawkins. We knooooow that you know the REAL definition of evolution. We KNOW that you know everything about religions. And we KNNNOOOOWW that you know God isn’t real. So shut up, and talk to me about philosophy like… morals, animal rights, the environment or politics or something else when we’re at a bar. Or when we’ve known each other for more than 3 years. Talk to me about something else besides how smart you are and how you absolutely know everything there is to know about everything that is worth knowing about.

6. Closed minded - This stands for most of my “liberal” friends as well. They can’t see things from the other side. A good example is something going on at a blog I was reading where people just can’t wrap their head around the fact that people can be spiritual, and not be religious. Religion implies some sort of formality, and doesn’t always include a really deep connection to things. I know a lot of people who are religious. They go to church, and they go through the motions but they have no connection to it. Then I know a lot of people who never go to church, who don’t claim to believe in God or even know what God is - but they have this deep connection to what they usually call “something” and they feel like it strengthens their spirit. And gives them a deeper connection to things and whatever that “something” is. And I respect that. They’re not religious. They’re not following any sort of religious dogma, or religious traditions, or even claiming belief in God. They’re developing what they call their spirituality. And I think there is a fine line between spirituality and religion - but a line nonetheless.

7. Positive Outlook - Many lack it. And I guess saying why atheists annoy me isn’t all that positive, but… I need to rant once in a while. I really dislike that so often so many atheists are always looking at the negative. They focus on what’s wrong and when ever they’re shown something that’s fantastic, they find something wrong with it. When they’re told they’re not being victimized for once, the go up in arms because they NEED to be victimized or they can’t be pissed off at the world anymore. I find that especially the old people just like to grumble about things. The younger people just like to fight with other people. It’s like environmentalists (yes, I always have to compare) they were SO doom and gloom! Finally someone came out with that book Good News For A Change and it was SO refreshing to read because environmentalists were for once looking at what was accomplished and what good was coming out of their initiatives and things to look forward to in the future. What do we have to look forward to in the secularist front? We should talk more about that. (maybe I will… later.)

8. Spirituality - I made the list before I wrote the comments in each one. I guess I sort of already covered this. See #6.

9. The Number Of Organizations - There’s a lot. And too many of them do not work together on anything. I won’t get into specifics, but the more I get into these groups the more I see the schisms between different ones and the more I think “this is just silly”. When I was getting the CFI job, I had to look at things from a different perspective, … I had to see that that grassroots way of thinking had to be put aside to maintain an organization. But now, I’m back to grassroots and I can go back to claiming that we all need to work together - despite our differences.

10. I think that’s it. At least for now. I was hoping to come up with 10, just to make it a more… ordinary number to stop at… but, alas, I didn’t! I should however mention…

Things I love?

1. Feminists - almost all atheist boys are feminists too. my next boyfriend needs to be a feminist. (not the loud and annoying kinds though…just the feministy kind.)

2. Philosophy - we talk about it ALL the time. and that’s really cool. and hot. same with talking about science. and i love it that my friends are a group of people who appreciate the fact that i do mathematical logic in my spare time, they don’t think it’s weird.

3. Intelligence - i know it was something that annoyed me, but I love it too. all my atheist friendies are so smart. and its super cute.

4. Understand Me - a lot of people who don’t take a firm stance on being an atheist and who aren’t involved with the secularist movement don’t understand my time commitment. I spend a LOT of time (and money and energy and thought) on secularism. It’s what I do in my spare time. A lot of my friends who I had pre-CFI times now don’t get why I need to spend SO much time at CFI. Allen and I have a LOT of conversations about the point of CFI, what we do, and why we need to do it. …They’re constructive conversations, but at the end he still walks away not knowing why I’m involved and I still walk away not knowing how he couldn’t be involved. (Actually, he’s a friend of the center. I made him sign up.)

5. Fun - yeah, this contradicts “seriousness” … but they are fun … when they’re nto being too serious about things. Some of the best times I’ve had this year have been with CFI folks. We have a good time.

*Don’t get me wrong… science is awesome but I was trying to make a point.

I hate Benny Hinn.

I think I’ve written about how much I hate Benny Hinn. But really. I HATE BENNY HINN.

I was watching TV at my break (usuallly I watch Colbert, but it’s Sunday - so Colbert wasn’t on tonight)… and I was watching Benny Hinn. …And I got SO angry.

He looked at the camera. Right in the face of the camera and said “There is an old woman watching. And she has arthritis in her hip. I want you to stand up right now. You can use your cane to get up. But get up, and walk around a little bit. In exactly 1/2 an hour you will be healed, and you will be able to walk perfectly.”

I WAS FURIOUS.

Think about how many old ladies got up, tried to walk and then were SO disappointed, or worse yet - hurt themselves. *sigh* I’m sorry old ladies.

So I saw it. Me and my ladies got dressed up (like trendy new yorkers) drank a whole lot of wine and went and saw it. And it was SO GOOD.

I’m not going to write about the plot on here - beacuse I don’t want to let out any spoilers. but I definitely wasn’t dissapointed. I did cry a LOT… like… a LOT.

It was done exactly like the tv show - so if you’re not into the show, don’t see the movie. I’ve read a lot of reviews of people who said it was horrible - but it’s because they weren’t into the show. Yes, there are a lot of designer labels, the girls always talk about sex and boys, Samantha is horny, they say “fuck” and it IS hilarious and Carrie DOES NOT look like a horse.

I really did hate the Steve/Miranda plot line - it was just too much for me to handle. Anyway - the movie was great, I don’t care if the big hollywood buffs think it was shit - I loved it.

Also recently loved: Darjeeling Limited. LOVED. I also downloaded the soundtracks for ALL Wes Anderson films and it was the best decision of my life.

Okay, I’ll be back later to bitch about athiests. After I play some pacman.