Can women have sex like men?

by Katie Kish on Nov.21, 2006, under Carrie's Diary, Feminism, Sex, Sex and the City, Sexism

Season 1: Episode 1: Sex and the City

This question seems to fit in almost perfectly with the recent claims that I’m a slut. Can women have sex like men, or are we doomed to stick to 3 partners for the rest of our lives unless we want an unflattering and nasty label? Less importantly Carrie asks "why are there so many great unmarried women, and no great unmarried men?"

When I talk to people who don’t really know what sex and the city is, or have never really watched it they at least know a couple of things - Charlotte is the hot one and Samantha is the slut. They don’t know what Carrie does, and they never even know who Miranda is. "The cynical lawyer?" …"no idea" "she’s the smart one!" …"no clue" "She has red hair?" … "…Nope"

The thing with Charlotte pisses me off a little bit, but not as much as Samantha being constantly labeled as "the slut". She has a lot of sex, yes. She also has a few lovers through out the seasons as well. This is really where the "can women have sex like men?" question comes in.

"Like men" = a lot, for their own satisfaction, hardcore, quickly and… did I mention a lot.

It seems as though its more appropriate for men to have unlimited casual sex. They don’t get deemed slutty, or disgusting. Its a status symbol. Its like in that movie… American Pie… 2? I think? Anyway, you are told that men always add 2 when they say how many people they’ve slept with and girls always subtract two because its more appropriate. Women are taught to be modest about their sexual lives and men are taught that sex gives them a higher status.

Women can of course have sex like men. Women can do whatever the fuck they want… (well, except … you know, get equal pay and have abortions.) but while they’re out screwing whom ever they want, when ever they want they’re gaining a ‘bad’ reputation because they aren’t keeping their legs closed. Not to mention the double standard that guys what their girls to be virgin like… but then always expect them to be good in bed.

One huge difference between women and men when they have sex is that sometimes it seems like the man is just using the woman as a replacement for their hands - masturbation with a body. It’s a hell of a lot hard for a woman to do this. For there to be complete satisfaction for the girl she’s got to make the guy do a bit of work, but for the guy, he doesn’t need her to do anything except cheer him on. Argo? We should probably all just be lesbians.

I’ve also read somewhere that when a girl has sex a chemical is released that makes them more affectionate and lovey toward the male that they were with, but that this doesn’t happen to a guy. This would indicate that women can’t have sex like men - because they can’t just let go of partners as easily as men can. I don’t believe this for a second -but its a theory.

I say, if a woman wants to have sex with 10 guys a week for the rest of her life then she should go for. (As long as it’s safe… I don’t cheer on stupid sex.) The more women that have sex for their own pleasure and push men off to the side afterward the better. Its about time we ditch the ‘modest about sex’ attitude and start being just as proud as men are when they have sex.

So I conclude that women can of course have sex like men. Sex is sex. Do it! Its good fun. …But more importantly women SHOULD have sex like men.

6 comments for this entry:

she bang
November 21st, 2006 on 2:05 pm
Unfortunately, “Sex and the City” is not really about women having sex. I watched the whole damn shebang over the course of a year and it’s actually the same old “catching Prince Charming” fairy tale alllllll over again. By the end of the series, they all have wound up with Mr. Truelove who (naturally) they never expected but, just like good old Beauty and the Beast, a woman’s task is to see through the man’s exterior to the enchanted core while she maintains her wardrobe. Hot Charlotte winds up with an ugly sweaty bald guy, cynical Miranda marries the hopelessly boyish one-balled Steve, slutty Samantha hooks a much younger male model after coming down with breast cancer (remember that old rightwing thing about abortions causing breast cancer?), and Goodwill closet Carrie winds up with cigar-smoking Big after proving she is an urban provincial bohunk because (a) she can’t stand to live in Paris with a Russian artist and (b) going anywhere outside city limits gives her hives.

Gag. Me. Any character who screams at the sight of a SQUIRREL deserves to be strangled with the straps of her favorite Manolos.

Long story short: if you’re looking for a program that shows women’s reality, keep lookin’.
Larry Gambone
November 21st, 2006 on 3:07 pm
It never ceases to amaze me that 40 years after the so-called sexual revolution and 38 years after the Women’s Liberation Movement we still have this idiotic double standard when it comes to women and sex. Of course, pot is still illegal 36 years after the Ledain Commission found it harmless, so what can we expect? We are not dealing with reasonable, rational people. A large portion of the population - or at least the ones who control things - are authoritarian sickos. I suppose in time we will win, but I would sure like to see it happen before I croke!
Brother Andy
November 21st, 2006 on 3:07 pm
First of all - let me be clear - Sex in the City is fiction. Fiction, as in: not real, fake, made up, pretend. Therefore it can in no way shape or form be applied to as an example for anything real. I’m sorry, I have the same problem with Spiderman - I can often be seen trying to jump up and start web-slinging around downtown Toronto - it hasn’t worked… yet.

Mind Hacks - a blog my feeder feeds me often has scientific comparisons of men and women during various states of sex - do a search (or just click).
Kian
November 21st, 2006 on 4:35 pm
When did I say Sex and the City was real? I was comparing something real to something in the show that holds true in real life.

Im not an idiot - I know sex and the city isn’t real. I know that they don’t live real lives, and She Bang - Samantha doesn’t end up with ‘the one’. She ends up with Smith, who she isn’t going to stay with forever, but is okay for now. And everyone knew that Miranda and steve were going to end up together so its not the ‘unexpected’ one. …And carrie and big have made their big “i love you so much!” speech before and its fallen through every single time - so again… its not a closed book.

But again - I know it isn’t real life. …The questions she brings up, however, are real life questions, *good* questions, and I’m glad that Larry didn’t over look the point of my post. My point wasn’t to bring more light to sex and the city - it was to bring light to the fact that women are still deemed sluts even after so much fighting to be seen differently. No matter how much we try this ‘equal’ bullshit we still have double standards and blah blah blah.

I dont understand why looking at an aspect of a show suddenly makes everything think Im assuming that I think thats how real life is. This isn’t the case. I plan on doing MORE sex and the city posts, about the questions carrie asks and I dont want to have to go through this every time. I am *well aware* its not real. …This DOES NOT deteriorate the issues that carrie deals with in her column.
Alon Levy
November 21st, 2006 on 9:34 pm
First of all - let me be clear - Sex in the City is fiction.

So is Left Behind.
Alon Levy
November 21st, 2006 on 9:38 pm
When I talk to people who don’t really know what sex and the city is, or have never really watched it they at least know a couple of things - Charlotte is the hot one and Samantha is the slut. They don’t know what Carrie does, and they never even know who Miranda is. “The cynical lawyer?” …”no idea” “she’s the smart one!” …”no clue” “She has red hair?” … “…Nope”

When I watched the episode where Miranda says she’s a stewardess, one of the people who knew more about the series explained it to me as, “Charlotte is the undersexed one, Samantha is the oversexed one, Miranda is the intellectual, and Carrie is Carrie.”