Lately I’ve been reading a lot online about sex positivism. I attempted to write about it before, but I wasn’t too happy with the post that came out of it. To get myself going I started talking about the 4 young women around me aged 17 - 20. All of them claim to have “sex positive” views on life, and to test this I asked them how often they masturbate. They all answered quite openly with answers ranging from “everyday” to “once every two weeks”.
They also described what ”sex positive” means to them. To these four it was being open and not having to be ashamed. Being honest and appreciating the ”wonderful world of sex”, which is most definitely a human thing. Feeling good about yourself whether you’ve slept with 4 guys or 42 and having this as an across the board thing, no double standards. Saving ones self for marriage has the problem of marrying someone who likes S&M while you like missionary… or you not knowing what you want at all - so there should be exploration so you don’t get a Hot Carl on your honeymoon.
They believe that sex negatives “need to get laid more”. They got a little side tracked on that question. … They all agreed that they had grown up in sexual homes and that their attitudues are all about how they were brought up.
For me personally, sex positive doesn’t mean having a high sex drive or slinking around in clothing that hides little to nothing. It’s not about being able to talk amongst friends about masturbation and sexual acts, although that is important, sex positivism is about so much more than that. It’s about the importance of fighting for women whose sexuality fits in and out of the box.
A big part of political and patriarchal control is limiting the sexual acts and freedom of a woman and even of men. Sexual violence against women is one of the many ways that this happens, also the negative attitudes towards escorts and strippers - people are trying to limit and control their sexuality. The key here is to create a world in which women’s sexual choices are always respected. ALL women. If they’re monogamous, polyamorous, dykes, asexuals, bisexuals, like to sleep around… etc. they should all be respected. Is that enough? I don’t think so. As well as being respected their sexualities should be appreciated.
What I loved about talking to the four women today was that each one of us respected the answers of the other. We didn’t devalue each other’s sexuality and choices instead we treated each others sexuality as the norm, no matter what the answers were. Everyone in the world shoud understand that any sort of healthy choice about sex is one that is to be respected and appreciated. By healthy I mean consentual and practiced with condoms, or other birth control and defense against disease. Men have, for a long time, been given the privilege of having a sex life that is normalized and valorized.
Samie and I are sex positive women because we believe in liberation of women and their sexualities. We believe in the importance of celebrating women and having each and every one of their voices heard. When we each speak of our personal sexual experiences and choices we’re not just talking about a small deal. We’re talking about something that many women in the world are too scared to talk about, what some women have been conditioned to be embarassed about and what some women have just completely have had stolen from them. The fact that the five of us sat around talking about our sex lives, desires and activities was liberating, exhilerating and full of such hope.
None of them put themselves into a box, one likes to explore all sexes, the other likes to dabble with multiple guys at a time, another liked straight vanilla sex… We didn’t put each other into a box. We didn’t make fun. We weren’t embarassed. All women in the world need this level of freedom. They all need to know their sexualities are down right sexy. Their sexualities are exciting. Their sexualities are interesting, honorable and most of all -completely f’n gorgeous.
That! is why I am a sex positive woman. And why I believe that every woman in the world should learn that their sexualities and desires are beautiful, normal and completely alright to talk about.
