I can’t even tell you how much I hate drunk people - especially when I’m not drunk with them. I hate going to huge parties and running into every single type of drunk that exists. The following morning is, however, usually funny as hell… other stories for other days. Tonight is about the actual drunk people, the night of the drinking.
THE absolute worst drunk is the sad/crying drunk. It’s usually a girl and it’s usually over something monumentally stupid. (Ash, don’t think this applies to you - he’s moving to Mexico! That is worth tears.) The ones I have experienced and haven’t blocked out of my memory were over another girl hating the crying girl, and another time the crying girl had misplaced her boyfriend so she concluded that he was out cheating somewhere. (Turned out he was in the basement playing poker…) I hate having to sit and pretend to care about the girl who is bawling her eyes out … Actually that’s a lie. I’m usually the one who obviously doesn’t care. But it puts a damper on the entire night when you have to sit there comforting the girl who can’t handle her alcohol.
The second worst type of drunk is the horny drunk - I’ve seen this equally between guys and girls. Some people just get RIGHT into it when they’re drunk. They want to kiss everyone and anyone, and are looking to get laid. The guys start going around pinching and grabbing every ass in sight while the girls start undoing a few buttons here and there… OR they start making out with one of their girlfriends as to draw attention to themselves.
Which brings me to my next most hated type of drunk - the "look at me" drunk. They have to start doing kareoke, or singing stupid songs for no reason, or climbing up on roof tops, or screaming about something pointless at every possible time. The girls are the worst for this one. They start dirty dancing with their friends to Sean Paul and Britney Spears grabbing each other’s boob and acting like it wasn’t on purpose. "oops!" *giggles*.
The guys in this case usually end up taking the flirting drunk roll, where they get attention by sitting around complimenting people and as the night goes on they only get more drunk, so their standards get progressivly lower so that they’re hitting on girls that soak it right up and give him every single ounce of attention he was craving.
Then the flirting drunk makes the mistake of flirting with someone’s girlfriend and we get a horrible HORRIBLE drunk - the angry drunk. The guy who will start a fight over anything with anyone. I’ve seen this one way too many times, like a guy wanting to get a taxi, so he asks to borrow someone’s cell… The someone happens to be angry drunk and angry drunk says "you wanna steal it??" the other guy says "no, I need to call a taxi" … "you think I’m stupid, do ya??" "No.. nevermind" "Don’t walk away from me!" …bam. Before you even know it you’re getting punched in the face.
The remaining few drunks aren’t so bad, there is the person that always throws up (aka Samie). Samie has gotten herself into the most interesting situations while puking. Example: House party at my place, Samie is lying 1/2 out of the front door on the drive way, 1/2 inside the front hall. Her face is sitting in a pool of her own puke while she talks on the phone… or… slurs on the phone. Example: Same house party, Samie is sitting in a chair doing the classic body wobble. Her head is flopping around, and you just know she’s going to hurl any second… So my brother runs, gets a spot light and a video camera and video tapes Sam hurling in my backyard. Example: We’re at a beach, Samie is lying on her belly, with her chin on a log about to pass out. All of the sudden she starts puking, and it just shoots, almost like a gun, while she remains in the awkward position on the ground.
The happy drunk is always the good drunk, they’re the ones going around saying hey to everyone, talking up a storm and playing a lot of drinking games. …This is me when I’m not being the smart drunk, or loyal drunk. The smart drunk is the one that has to start a debate about anything at all… gender roles, homophobia, if Italy actually looks like a boot, ANYTHING. And the loyal drunk is the one that is constantly there for the closest friend around… This is me with Sam when I am at home, I don’t usually leave her side when we’re out drinking - and is defintely me with Ashley here.
The clumsy/stupid drunk is actually pretty bad, now that I think of it. Like my friend Caitlin who starts doing really… bizzare things… Like dumping beer all over a statue of Jesus while screaming "Jesus is my drinking buddy". I’ve never really encountered too many clumsy drunks though. And the last type of drunk that I can think of, is the "I’m not drunk" drunk. They’re totally harmless, but they’re also the ones that attempt to drive or something, claiming that 8 beers "has no effect on me at all" … Fuck off, seriously.
But you know what I hate more than drunk people?? People pretending to be drunk. Gah. That’s just bad news.
