The other night at work was deadly boring. There was very little to do, and so me and a couple of the girls were more or less just standing around. (We were folding clothes.) So… I asked the question “What do you think of long distance relationships?”
Our first young lady spoke up stating that it is just a ridiculous mess that isn’t even worth the time or effort put into it. Lady number two says it’s the best way to start a relationship. And finally lady number three says it’s doable, but hard and not something she would do.
There were a few things that we all agreed on though, even the girl who stated that they’re a gigantic mess which should be avoided at all costs - and the major thing that we agreed on is that they can be awesome. You develop a friendship, and a deep emotional connection before jumping into all the physical. You don’t end up making your conclusions based on the physical or on tiny behaviors. This way you ensure that it’s not just a chemical reaction to one another. It is a time to work on the 90% of the relationship that isn’t sex, and build a deep lifetime relationship.
But they can’t go on forever. They’re like phone sex - sure it’s a great introduction, but it has to have some sort of meaningful conclusion. This is the hard part of it all - who moves? When do you ask that person to make the move? How do you know it’s the right thing to live together? What if they have a weird habit that you can’t brush off? Can you really get beyond a guy who plays constant pocket poll because he was fantastic at a distance? What is the weirdness limit that you’ll take because you fell in love so far apart?
The first key - is being open with one another, I think. Tell them about your weird habits, quarks and things that other people find undesirable. …Like me - I’m a bitch… and as Alon once said “It’s easier to impress a cactus.” …and I burp like a man sometimes. Tell them what annoys you… again, like me - I can’t stand loud chewers, or being poked. I hate it when people poke me. It’s so unnecessary. (I don’t mean like, facebook poke - I mean physically poke me, like in the arm.)
I also think its important to treat it exactly like a relationship that isn’t long distance. So no sleeping with other people and making a conscious effort to ensure there are cute things done for one another and time always put aside even just to say hi. And be up front with what you’re looking for. Short term? Long term? To get married? To just … see? LDs are too much work to not be on the same level of want.
In the end it’s all what you put into it. The first time I had a long distance relationship I found myself defending it’s validity to people. This time, I’m not bothering - because it means more to me. I know how much effort him and I put into one another, and how hard to attempt at getting to know one another over the obstacle of distance… and its a beautiful thing that at this point - I wouldn’t change for any local boyfriend.
Anyway, the conclusion was - it’s all about how much effort you put in, and when the “move” happens. Because if you’re never going to make an effort to be together physically - whether it be after 3 months or 3 years - then what is the point? You can’t do it forever. We all agreed on that bit.
Little snooty girl said there was a lack of passion - I told her aaaall about my sister and her utah boyfriend, a clear indication of passion. (Perhaps not the kind of passion you’d want in a relationship - but passion, nonetheless.)
