(Eventually people are going to realize I rarely do work when I’m at work and instead sit around reading blogs… I do listen to music - which I guess is part of my job… I listen to new CDs and tell people if they suck or not… So I suppose that’s working.)

I’ve always wondered why really happy people or people who want me to like them have annoyed me so much. Via T I’ve finally figured it out.

1. Seek contact. You may feel like avoiding that person,
but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the “mere exposure
effect,” we tend to like people better the more we see them.

Alright, generally speaking people that don’t like me, I don’t like them either. I make it pretty clear with people if I like them or not and I welcome the same openness towards me as well. A girl that I lived with in residence who I really really didn’t like, and who really really didn’t like me tried to play this "seek contact" game with me - and honestly, it just made me dislike them more. I’ve tried this "seek contact" game… "Oh, maybe if I get to know them more I’ll actually end up liking them more." No. If you don’t like someone, and if you don’t get along with someone there is probably a good reason for that - I’m not sure why seeing them more will make their personality change.

And personally, when it comes to people I … only sort of like, or who I really really like not contacting them for a while, and then talking to them is the best feeling in the world. …Like my friend Andrea from camp, we hadn’t talked for about 8 months, so that made the phone conversation fantastic - but if we did it every week it wouldn’t bee 1/32 as good.

2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those who do good to us.”  La Rochefoucauld.

Other wise known as "sucking up". You know why that will make you feel closer to the person? Because your nose will be up their ass. I think a much better approach is "only do what you have to"… For example, I really really didn’t like 3 of my supervisors at Food Basics (*shudder*) … so did I do nice things for them? No. I only did what I had to do so that I wouldn’t have to work with them more, or talk to them more often.
 

3. Give that person a brief touch. “Subliminal touching,”
i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed,
increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.

This is a really bad idea… At least for me. When a person touches me for no reason its a direct infiltration of the personal bubble - and the personal bubble is NOT to be popped - so why should we go around popping everyone else’s bubble? This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life, seriously. "Hey! My boss is a real jerk, so I’ll slightly touch his arm to make a positive connection with him." … "subliminal touching" really sounds to me like a sexual assault case waiting to happen.

4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh. This can be tough, however.

Repress! People who don’t get angry and don’t let it all out are the same ones that go home and end up kicking their dog. (AHhaha.) When the person comes and pops your personal bubble just laugh with them about how incredibly uncomfortable it made you. What really annoys me is when people chew, laughing about it doesn’t help. There are people who I can’t be in the same room with when they eat… laughing or not - in fact, laughing makes it worse because then their mouths are even further open so I have to hear AND see the food. Gross.

5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective—just try it.

Be fake! …Okay, I will go and try out this theory right now. I am in a craptacular mood, I’m pmsing, I have cramps, there are 3 people in the volunteer office that I can’t stand, but I will go - right now - and act friendly… here goes…

***

I’m in an even worse mood now. I acted friendly, and then I had to sit there and listen to stories about their weekends, sex life, boyfriends and school. Worst. Idea. Ever.

6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your
complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that’s hard to
eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be
changed.

Lie! If you don’t criticize how will people know if they’re doing a good job at things or not? My job is to tell all of my volunteers if they’re good enough to be on radio or not - and some people I have to tell them flat out "your voice is way too high pitched - aka annoying" "You have really bad taste in music." "Your too boring." I find complaining about people to other people makes me feel a lot better about the person I had to complain about - because then I’ve vented it all out so when I see them I can just take a big breath and act reasonable towards them because I know later on I can just let it all out again.

7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.

Okay. That’s fair enough. Thinking about zeddy makes me happy. …I know I sometimes come off as a 12 year old - but I really just love my teddy bear. (I was just talking to one of my bosses and I said something about being a teenager and she said "Katie you’re not a teenager when you’re 26" …and I was like "uuuh, I’m 19…" she didn’t believe me to the point where we had to pull up my file just to prove it to her.)

8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.

Lie to yourself! I try to do this sometimes… Like sure everyone I work with is a nit, but I really really love being on air. Ooor, yeah my profs are horribly annoying, my classes are shitty and have the same material as a grade 10 class and I’m paying $500 for each of them - but… it’s an education that will help me in the long run.  But it really depends on how much you value the negative over the positive or vice versa.
Anyway - I’m probably coming off as really bitter, and I understand the point of the exercise is to attempt at being happier and having a more positive outlook on life - but some people just don’t have this personality. I’m pretty sure I have a fairly pessimistic view on life - I tried the whole optimism thing a few times, but it just feels like I’m lying to myself and blinding myself to the horrible truths and facts about the world and about people.