01 Nov, 2006
Sex and long distance relationships
Posted by: Katie Kish In: Blogs| S'all bout moi| Sex
I wasn’t going to comment on the post that I read at Abstract Nonsense, and then at The Shame of the Sea - however, now I feel like I have to.
The negative condentations that surround ‘online dating’ with most of the people I know are extremely high. The lady I used to rent from really liked Alon when she met him but had to tack on "…but I really don’t agree with how you met." because we had met online. And when people ask me "How did you and Alon meet?" (people still ask me, even though we’re not dating, because I think I talk about him more now than I did before.) and I say "oh online, on a message board" they basically laugh as if to say "oh, then it never could have been serious or real."
What no one understands is that Alon and I didn’t meet online one week, and then meet in person the next. We met online back in…oh geez, 2001 I think, we got close in July 2005 and we met in person in December 2005. We would have met a little bit earlier than we actually did, but I got scared. In a sense this is a success story I suppose, except that we didn’t see each other again until August 2006 and now we won’t be seeing each other again until December 2006 *and then* probably not again until May. (Maybe February if he’s not busy with school and if I feel like I want to put up with east coast winters.) The whole reason we stopped dating was because of the online/distance thing. So it had/has its ups and downs.
But then there are other stories like my best friend’s dad. Him and his wife (Samie’s step mom, Jen) met online and are together, and will be… until they die, I’d suspect. And my sister and her boyfriend Utah met online and have a fantastic relationship. I’m guessing that if I would have gone to NYU or Rochester or somewhere closer to New York, Alon and I would be one of these cute, success stories as well.
Yes, there are creepy people on the internet. I understand that. But there are people you can just end up trusting. (And besides, I could have taken Alon down with one hand had he to tired anything I didn’t want. bwa ha ha.) Not everyone is a sexual predatory looking for small pussy to get themselves into. (Hahahaha, okay, break - I tried to think of a way to work this in, but …its not gonna happen, but the funniest thing EVER is when Stewie is talking to a prostitute and says "so are there any more treads on the tires? or is it just like throwin’ a hotdog down a hallway?" aaah hahahaha)
The other side of this is the physical part of the relationship. I won’t get into what I thought about Alon’s sexual abilities (or what he thought about mine, for that matter) the first time we had sex because that’s none of your business, 
but… it would make for a good post. Anyway. The great thing about talking so much is that you end up talking about sex… so you’re already comfortable with that person when it comes down to actually doing it. (Unless they tell you to ‘hurry up’…sometimes comfort can be broken.) And if it ends up to be a shitty first kiss (I guess I can say that it really really wasn’t a shitty first kiss.) or a shitty first whatever - you can talk about it. And the fact that you love that person means that you can work together to make it right and to make it better for the next time.
According to some of the women my age I talk to this is really weird, the fact that I would actually give a guy a tutorial on how to give me an orgasm, or on how to not suck, basically. But honestly… would you rather have a moderately awkward first 3 minutes of about a 15 - 20 minute lesson on how to make it work for yourself, and for him, or just have both of you undersatisfied?
You can say "this is what you should do" or you can just talk during sex to make sure it works out for the two of you - because you’re just that much more comfortable. Alon and I didn’t really have this comfort the first time we met, but now we do. (Now that we’re not dating. Funny how things work out.) So now if we were to have sex it would be great for both of us because we talk, and we know how to communitcate with one another more than I know how to communicate wtih guys that I’ve met in person. The guys that I’ve met in person, we’ve often jumped too much of the talking, and getting comfortable, so that when it comes time for sex its like I’m watching a Deep Space 9 episode, really bored, and just flat out irritated that my time is being wasted.
So its not even that the physical "doesn’t matter" as Skatje says, because in a sense it does. Sex is fun. Having an openly sexual relationship with a person, and experimenting and yadda yadda yadda is really great. If the person is a bad kisser, teach them how not to be a bad kisser. (I’ve pretty much trained at least 5 guys on this one.)But this isn’t a make or break situation. If a guy can’t kiss, and he’s not going to learn, but he is uber smart, really great to talk to and really interesting… whatever, I don’t need to kiss. And if he ends up to be horrible in bed… that’s what vibrators are for.
Ladies, meet… the jack rabbit. (As seen on Sex and the City - the one Charlotte locks herself up in her room with for days.)
Pfft. Men become useless once you own something like that. Look at all the buttons!
